So what will it be. This or that..? It can never be grey. Always black and white.. simply because you can never know what your child feels about your decisions. It’s impossible to know. So a rich kid will think his parents gave him too much, the poor one thinks they gave him too little; the rebel will feel they smother him, the meek will think they don’t protect them enough. Too much freedom/too little freedom; too aggressive/too passive; too understanding/too assuming; too bossy/too laid back. So what will it be?
Once I’d gone to Goa… to a beautiful white beach. There was a small family there… A young couple with a baby who had just learned to walk. So every time the dad put the baby on his feet… he would start giggling and run to the sea! The kid obviously loved the big waves and couldn’t get enough of them. Just as he reached the water his dad would laugh and pull him back and come to the shore. It went on for quite a while. That’s the way its supposed to be.. in everything else too.
I love what Gibran says in The Prophet.
“Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you, yet they belong not to you.
You may give them your love but not your thoughts.
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.”
Every one is a product of their environment and their past. So a parent strives to give the child what he/she didn’t get. Their choice is made from what they learn from life and its experiences. It may or may not be what the child needs. Sometimes it can fulfill parts of it. The child blames a parent for something (which everyone does at some point and I’ve heard enough), but then.. they are only doing the best they can. And you never have experience with being parents. So it’s all a process of learning… for both the child and the parent. As long as there’s growth… the relationship will be a rich and fulfilling experience.
Thus we concluded there’s no such thing as a perfect parent. But it’s still a beautiful relationship simply based on mutual love and care. But since I am an aunt (yes they also influence your kids all ye unsuspecting parents…) and as I prefer untamed and wild kids, I will do everything in my power to make my niece utterlly bratty and incorrigible! 🙂