…The light and the lighthouse – ii

May 27, 2011 § Leave a comment

“She went off to Prague after completing school.With the euphoric feeling that now at least she could betray her home.

…Betrayal. What is betrayal? Betrayal is breaking of ranks. Betrayal means breaking ranks and going off into the unknown. Sabina knew of nothing more magnificent than going off into the unknown.”

Sabina was her favourite character in the book. She had that thing about her… of absoluteness. And still not really so. There was nothing absolute about her. She did what she did. Just because she felt so. What was it about her that was so intriguing. Maybe it was just that author Kundera.

But where does it stop? What if it becomes a life long quest of simply breaking of ranks or attempts at breaking of ranks? What if unconsciously that s all that directs every action. So will every action be to break the barrier? So either ways whether you follow the code or break the code, it influences you. shouldn’t every action be devoid of a code at all? To follow it or discard it becomes irrelevant if there is a complete absence of a pre-conceived idea. Then would that be true freedom? To refuse and be indifferent, not even slightly acknowledge its existence and go about life on your terms…? Would that be easy or difficult. Easy it would be because there’ll be nothing to take into account. But more difficult because its difficult being original. And sticking to it. To un-learn everything they’ve taught you.

So does this quest to cross and destroy barriers ever end? Does it end or do you choose to end it. It should end. She’d want barriers to be irrelevant… It was exhausting just living in the world. So many people around, so many things to do.. and breathe at the same time. And the encounters with people and places. Every time something went away she felt like her heart was ripped out. And it was ripped out again.

She thought she should give it a rest. Give in to the numbness maybe.

And be strong. And shrewd.

Or just strong.

No more ripping that there’s no more heart left. Absolutely no more heart left.

 She hated and loved the book. It made her go into a cave inside her mind. Unreachable to the outside world.

Life was a funny accident. She wondered where she would be if it were not for the accident of being born to the world. Surely everything is a matter of chance? The universe seems to function in amazingly absurd ways. She wondered if she was not born in flesh and blood would she be just a part of the nothingness in the air.

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